So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
