batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
