drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
