dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
