i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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