Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
