Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
