i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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