While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
