im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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