wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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