I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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