I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
