Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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