you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
