he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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