I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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