Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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