I'm gonna have a badass scar
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
