Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize