its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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