Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
