Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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