last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize