Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
