If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
