Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
