I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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