i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize