tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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