Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
