ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
