I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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