Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
one might say we're banned from that church
In America we eat man semen.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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