This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
