I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
