I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
