Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize