Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
