69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
