i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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