i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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