Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize