I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
