at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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