I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
