she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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