Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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