I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
