somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
