what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He has the fingertips of a God
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
