I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
