Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
