That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
