Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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