Non-Jews are for practice
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
