was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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