I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
