I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
