Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
