ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
