You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
