Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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