Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
