I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
