Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
