That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
