ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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