I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
