3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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